Ethiopia (Part 2)

January 26th (1st day in Ethiopia)

We had gotten in the night before after a long long long flight. It was dark when we got to Ethiopia so we didn't see much. We woke up at 6 am that morning due to the time change, the rock hard bed, and the excitement of getting to meet our baby girl. I think that even though I only got 6 or 7 hours of sleep, it was the first time in 2 years that I got those hours all together at the same time. Tobin doesn't sleep and therefore neither do I.

This was our view from our hotel window. It is another orphanage for an adoption agency called Holt International.

Our bed was horrible and was just a big board. It was worse than sleeping on the floor. But, our shower was amazing and had three different places it could spray out. It was nicer than anything I have ever used. The only problem with the shower is that the water smells like trash and you have to close your month so that none of it gets in you.

After breakfast with the whole group (there were 9 of us families traveling together, the biggest group yet for AGCI), we got to meet Almaz the director of Hannah's Hope. Finally we got to see and meet the woman that every family coming home raves about. She has been called a saint and an angel and all that is so true. She is amazing. She is doing much of the same type of job that I have always wanted to do. We filled out paperwork with her and then got ready to go and meet our babies.

Johannas on the phone on the porch of our hotel. The hotel was high up some stairs so you could sit and see out over the wall to the street below. Johannas is the family coordinator for HH and Alamaz's brother. He was with us most of the trip making sure we got where we needed to go.

Clark and I ready to start the walk to Hannah's Hope (it is right around the corner from the hotel). Since there were so many of us, we were split into two groups. The people with the older kids went first and then another group came 20 minutes later. Since Fikrte was almost a year old and much older than most of the other babies, we got to go with the first group.

I have seen so many pictures from other blogs of Almaz opening the gate to HH so it was a bit surreal to walk in there myself. The cool thing was that I got to see the older kids meet their new parents. We video taped for our new friends Mike and Amy from Nashville as they met their 5 year old little girl. It was so sweet. She ran up to them and threw herself into their arms (much to their surprise). I almost cried it was so sweet.

When it was our turn, we were told that Fikrte had already fallen asleep for her nap. We didn't want to wake her but we got to go in and see her sleeping in her crib.

It was very odd to look down at this strange baby sleeping and know that she was your child. She looked different than the pictures and much older. She even looks different to me now looking back at these pictures. It doesn't really look like her.

So that was all nice and sweet to look at our peaceful baby and get to touch her head. We then went back down and by then the other families had gotten there and I video taped many of their meetings with their babies. It was all so sweet.

Then everything hit the fan. The nannies woke up Fikrte (I still don't know why) and handed her to me. Of course she was ticked off and upset and scared. She could tell that I was a stranger and while the little babies didn't seem to mind getting picked up by a stranger she certainly did.

I brought her down to Clark and we managed to get one picture before the crying started. Look at the way she is looking at me! You can tell she is thinking - who the heck are you?

She stopped crying when I handed her to the nanny and they took her back upstairs. It was hard to be the only one that did not have a sweet fuzzy meeting with their child. I felt the worst for her, but it was kind of depressing having your kid cry every time she looked at you.

Almaz had me watch while they fed her. She was okay with me being there as long as I didn't get too close. If I did she would get upset and start crying again. So we left her up there with the nannies and got to see some more of the orphanage. It really is a beautiful place. I wish that I could post the many pictures that I got of the children there, but since they are not adopted I can't put them up on the Internet.

We went back to the hotel (without Fikrte) for lunch and returned for the babies right before 2pm. We were basically handed her and we got in the van with all of the other families to drive to the American embassy for our appointment.

We were not allowed to bring cameras so we didn't get any pictures. Fikrte was totally freaked out. I had her in a sling strapped to me and that helped, but she cried until she fell asleep on the way over there.

I love driving in Ethiopia. It is crazier than South America. There are no street lights or stop signs and you always almost get hit but never do. It is an awesome ride each time. I don't think I could ever drive there, but it was fun to ride and watch. It was also our first real chance to see Ethiopia. Addis is such an amazing city. Clark and I want to move there so badly. There was so much poverty and trash. Donkeys and goats walked next to nice 2 lane highways and then you would suddenly turn down onto a dirt road.

Everyone lived in either nice houses surrounded by walls or in the miles and miles of huts all massed together made from dirt and tin. I will post more pictures of Ethiopia in my next posts.

Fikrte was pretty upset when she woke up from her nap. She was so sad.

I said in my last post that I was going to be honest about adoption and bonding so that others out there can be ready, so here it is.

It just broke my heart every time I looked at her. I had just taken her away from her "mommies" and everything that she knew. I didn't know that it was going to be so hard for me. I wanted to run back and leave her at Hannah's Hope. Not because it was hard or because she didn't like me, but because she loved her mommies and was so sad to be taken away. All I could imagine was what if someone took Tobin away from me? How sad would he be? It was a good thing that Fikrte was abandoned or I would have wanted to find a way for her birth family to try to keep her.

I knew in my head that this was the best thing for her because at 16 she would have been thrown out on the streets to die or get aids or become a teenage mom. With no family she didn't stand a chance and since she was abandoned there was no one to take care of her. Besides selfishly we wanted her in our family! But, it was painful to see her so sad. I had a really hard time with all of this those first few days with her. People back home kept emailing and me and reminding me all about the bonding stuff, but really in the thick of it, it is last thing that you need. I have read all of the books and know all of the stuff about adoption and bonding, but when your heart is breaking for your child and you feel like you have caused the pain, nothing really helps. I knew that things would get better, but it was still hard to see her so lifeless and sad.

Back at the hotel she was still having a hard time. She wouldn't look at us in the eyes and always turned away. She would cry unless we walked her or if she sat in Clark's lap on the front porch of the hotel and watched the cars and people go by. She loved Clark early on and felt safer in his arms.

She was a sad baby and it was a tough first day as her new parents. I am smiling in this picture only after I had wiped away my tears and hers. Now looking back, I can see that it was a bonding time for us in many ways because I mourned the loss of her former life with her as we both cried and looked out the window at her homeland.